Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters here in. They belong to BVTS and it's creators Joss and WB. Don't hurt me for barrowing them. They needed to come out and play....
(thoughts in Italics)

Pine Valley:

Angel walked aimlessly, his mind trapped in the memories of this afternoon and evening. When he had awakened from the nightmare, he had needed reassurance, and Willow had given it wholeheartedly and without reservation. Then that gentle comfort had escalated into passion. Carefully he tried to reach out to Willow again through the link, he met a stone wall and feelings of recrimination and disgust. Withdrawing mentally, Angel wallowed in his morose thoughts.

Looking up suddenly Angel saw a neon sign, ''The Bloody Bucket', a bar he used to frequent when he had lived in Pine Valley. The truth was after he had regained his soul, the guilt and remorse had pushed Angel into alcoholism. Or as close to being an alcoholic as a vampire could get. Vampires rarely drank because the alcohol was metabolized by their system too quickly. If they wanted to get that inebriated feeling they would have to take it mixed with blood, or drain a drunk.

The bartender at ''The Bloody Bucket' was used to the quirks of his unusual clientele. He vaguely recognized the man who walked in as a former regular, and vampire. Ignoring the fact that this client was in violation of the ''No shirt, no shoes, no service.' policy. "What can I get you?" the bartender asked in his usual affable manner.

"Irish whiskey, the special blend, bring me two bottles, a glass, and keep it coming unless I say otherwise." Angel said as he blandly plunked down a hundred dollar bill on the bar, which the bartender quickly scooped up. Replacing it with the requested items. Angel stayed at the bar, to save time walking back and forth, between the bar and the table. He intended to get very drunk tonight and didn't want to waste time doing it.

Sliding down the bar to the far end, Angel looked around at the other patrons. There were only a half a dozen others in the bar, four humans and two other vampires. The vampires were a pair he recognized, they had been cast out of normal vampiric society about 25 years ago for refusing to participate in a ritual sacrifice of children. That in itself had been unusual enough to draw Angel's attention, but then the children had been mysteriously liberated and returned to their parents, the same night these two had been banished. Angel had made a point of meeting them a short time later in Sunnydale and had brought them to Pine Valley.

The four humans he didn't recognize, two looked like businessmen, relaxing after a hard day at work. The other pair were obviously a young couple, their discoveries and reactions to each other still fresh and new. A dull ache had begun in the back of his head, shortly after he had left Katia's and was getting steadily worse, as the night wore on. Downing another glass of the special blend, he refilled the tumbler quickly. Swirling the beverage in the glass he studied the contents for a moment, before quaffing the entire glass in one gulp, and once again quickly refilling it.

Tossing back another tumbler of the alcoholic mixture, Angel's gaze wandered back to the young couple. From his shadowy perch at the end of the bar, the vampire could study the pair unobserved. The girl, a brunette, was tall and slender, athletically built. The young man was tall as well, lean with dark blond hair. The pair walked over to the jukebox, wrapped in each others arms. His left arm wrapped around her shoulders, her head resting on his shoulder, her arms around his waist, as he dug in the pocket of his jeans for some change. As he watched the crushing pain that had centered in his head now seemed to be metastasizing to his chest.

After pouring out the next glass of blood and whiskey, Angel closed his eyes in memory. Her holding him close after the nightmare, and the intensity of the passionate kisses, touches, and stroking they had shared. As he lifted the glass to his lips Angel caught the scent of something that froze his hand in midair. Carefully replacing the glass on the counter, the vampire surreptitiously looked around as he raised his fingers to his face. His nostrils flared at the scent coming from his fingers, *his* Willow, her juices, her scent, were still there. With a quiet groan the vampires eyes closed and he saw Willow under him, her eyes squeezed shut, her body writhing as he pistoned these fingers into her, her juices soaking these finger, as her face twisted and her body spasmed with her orgasm. Opening his eyes, Angel was once again grateful for the gloom as he sucked the fingers into his mouth, and his senses exploded with the flavor of her on his fingers, Oh God, the scent of her, the taste, the feel. He moaned more loudly this time, but still quiet enough not to be heard, as his body shuddered with exquisite pain at the remembered desire.

Coming back to himself, Angel squelched the memories with a curse under his breath, the vampire reminded himself that he had *seduced* Willow. She was an innocent, unknowing of the depravity of the monster that she called friend, and he had taken advantage of that. Even as he thought it, Angel could almost hear Willow admonishing him for blaming himself again. As he finished off the last of the first bottle of the special blend and opened the second, and tried to ignore her lingering scent, Angel admitted to the unseen hacker, Unfortunately honey, eighty years of brooding and self condemnation are a hard habit to break. As he started the second bottle, he realized suddenly, Did I just call Willow honey?

Shaking his head and smiling ruefully, he looked up to see the couple now slow dancing to a tune they had played on the jukebox. The girl was smiling, as the boy whispered something her ear. Angel looked away for a moment to gulp down another glass of the alcoholic concoction, just beginning to feel the effects. While the whiskey and blood combination was beginning to make him feel warm and slightly fuzzy, it did nothing for the ache in his head, much less the one in his heart.

Now even his arms were beginning to feel achy or empty. As he downed another drink, he realized what the feeling in his arms was. He needed to hold her, no it didn't have to be her, just someone. Angel tried to convince himself, that any female would do. With that thought, the vampire finished the glass he was working on. Then he stood, steadying himself against the edge of the bar, and carefully walked over to where the couple were dancing. Politely tapping the young man on the arm, Angel said with strict formality, "May I have this dance?"

The boy looked between the stranger and his date for a moment. Wanting to refuse but not wanting to anger the much larger man. The girl seeing her beau's dilemma, shrugged her shoulders slightly to let him know she didn't mind. "Okay," he said reluctantly as he stepped back to give them more room.

Taking the young woman's hand he said with a charming smile, "Thank you milady. I promise to try not to step on your toes." he added in a stage whisper. The girl actually did smile at that and relaxed a bit as he pulled her next to him. They danced slow and close, but almost immediately the girl felt the stranger stiffen in her arms, when he didn't relax after several seconds, she pulled her head back. "Is something wrong?" the brunette asked upon seeing Angel's pensive expression.

"No! I'm sorry. Did I step on your toe?" he asked distractedly.

"No." The young woman said as she shook her mahogany hair out of her eyes. " You didn't. You just seem a little tense."

You have no idea. the vampire thought fighting down the emotions that were overwhelming him. As soon as the young woman had come into his arms, he'd realized his mistake. When she had placed her head on his shoulder, it had been all he could do not to shift into his demonic visage and tear everyone and everything apart, including the girl. It wasn't right. His body and soul were both screaming the wrongness of it. She didn't fit. She wasn't Willow. She didn't fit him. It didn't feel right. It didn't make him feel better to hold someone. He felt worse and now he was disgusted and angry with himself as well for even thinking it would be the same.

Fighting hard he pushed those murderous impulses back down, barely moving as they danced. Angel was never so happy as when the song ended. With courtly manners he escorted the young lady back to her boyfriend, and told him what a lucky man he was. Then he promptly returned to his seat, called for another bottle, and then Angelus the Scourge of Europe proceeded to get stinking drunk.

A couple of hours later: Seven bottles had been removed and an eighth sat on the bar being consumed. She could never love you, you're a monster. Today it was just a physical response. She's a teenager, she would have had that reaction to anyone. You're a vampire, Angel, you're not worthy of love, especially not her love. She's too good for the likes of you. Another glass of the special blend quaffed. But not for the wolf boy. Oz had been good for her, supportive and helping to instill confidence in the once mousy redhead. But he's gone, so why does it still tear at me to think of her in his arms. He considered that question with one of the three brain cells that had miraculously managed to remain unpickled and still functioning. He grimaced as he also thought about Xander.

Ugh, the only human on the planet I probably wouldn't feel guilty about eating. Willow had been in love with that idiot boy since they had been children. That same gut-wrenching feeling cam over him when he thought of that. Then there was Giles and while quite sure that the younger man's relationship with Willow was purely platonic, he was still envious of all the time Willow spent with the man doing research. Envious, try jealous. Jealous? Yes jealous dammit. That's what this emotion is. The one brain cell had finally solved the question about what the emotion was.

Now there was Tristan. Willow's changeling friend. He exuded raw power and sensuality and had to be one of the most attractive men that Angel had ever seen. The kind that women would fall all over themselves to get close to.

Angel, although he hadn't seen his reflection in over 200 years, knew he was attractive to the opposite sex. He could tell it from their reactions to him, of course he also knew that if they knew the truth about him, they would run in the other direction as fast as they could. Except Willow. She was the only one to accept him, with his demon, rather than in spite of it. Maybe I'm destined to be alone. he thought totally oblivious to his surroundings. Angel didn't notice the all to familiar vampire who came into the bar at that moment.

So immersed was Angel in the alcohol, and his own emotional turmoil, he didn't notice the tension that suddenly developed in the atmosphere of the bar. Until the girl he had danced with before let out a muffled shriek followed by a loud crash. Glancing up absently, Angel did a double take, then nearly bit through his tongue to keep from shifting into his game face.

Lydia! She had casually shoved the boy aside and across a table, temporarily stunning him, and then had pulled the girl close. Now she was grinding herself against the taller girl, holding her close with one arm, while the free hand was stroking her face. With his preternatural hearing Angel overheard Lydia tell the girl, "Hello pretty. Wanna come play with me. It'll be fun...for me at least."

Angel was already moving when he heard the bartender say, "Hey! We don't want any trouble in here!"

"Mind your business, tubby!" Lydia hissed, flashing her fangs briefly. The vampiress turned back to her prey, only to have that free hand snatched into a punishing grip and pulled behind her back. Instinctively Lydia released the girl to try and grab her assailant, only to have other hand captured as well. Placing both of her hands together in one of his, the intruder frisked her quickly. Finding the handcuffs in her jacket pocket, he slapped them on her wrists with practiced ease, before turning her to face him.

The petite vampires normally pale features blanched even more. "Hello again, Lydia." Angel said with deadly menace. Looking up at the teenage girl, he said shortly, "Get your friend and get out! Now!" The girl nodded once, the look of terror on her face, briefly replaced with one of gratitude, before she ran to her boyfriend, helped him up and the two ran outside. Followed closely by the two businessmen.

"Well Angelus, fancy meeting you here." the tiny brunette said with deceptive calm,

"What happened? Did the little redhead throw you out?" she taunted as something flashed in her eyes briefly.

Angel recognized that look of vengeance, and a hard suspicion formed in his mind. With false passion, he pulled Lydia against him with one hand while the other wrapped caressingly around her throat. "You knew, didn't you?" he said looking into her eyes. His own eyes were now glowing a demonic yellow, "You knew she was on the stairs listening, "You knew and you used that knowledge to manipulate everything so that she would think I wanted to screw you!" As he had been speaking, Angel's hand on her waist had casually glided upward until it now joined it's mate encircling her throat. "Didn't you?" he lisped as his face finished the shift into his demonic visage. Lydia felt a shiver of apprehension run down her spine, before she remembered who she was dealing with.

"So she did throw you out. Good for her. You can never be one of them Angelus, even with a soul." the vampiress said maliciously, "You're still one of us, a vampire, a murderer. You think she could love you? Why would she want you?"

With quiet ferocity Angel shook her, until Lydia's head flopped back and forth like a ragdoll's. Before he finally repeated, "Did you know she was there, listening?"

"Yes!" Lydia replied with bitter amusement, "Yes, I knew she was there. I knew she was listening and I knew she would assume the worst. I planned it that way. I wanted her to hate you and distrust you. To destroy you!" Angel closed his eyes, and began to shake his head at each bitter recrimination fell from the evil female vampires lips. When his eyes opened again, Lydia felt her apprehension turn to fear. This was no longer the weak, soul filled Angel she was facing, at least temporarily, Angelus was back and he was furious with her.

Lydia opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, Angelus roared, "You bitch!" and backhanded the older vampire. Throwing her onto the table that the two businessmen had just vacated. The table collapsed under her. Angelus stomped over to her. With savage grace and accuracy, Lydia kicked out with her legs, kicking his knee, causing his legs to collapse under him. She kicked again connecting with his chin with one of her boots.

This only infuriated Angelus more. Reaching out he caught one of her flailing feet and dragged her toward him across the splintered wood of the table. Wrenching the leg at an odd angle, he grinned with sadistic satisfaction upon hearing a pained cry come from Lydia, before he reached out to restrain the other leg.

Growling he grabbed her by the hair when she was close enough and began punching her in the face and abdomen with his fist. "You bitch! This is all your fault! She hates me and it's all your fault." Each word was accented with a blow. Surprisingly he didn't feel the hunger, even though her face and neck were now covered in blood.

Angel suddenly felt someone ram him from the side and back. As he managed to push himself from the floor to his hands and knees, Angel felt a savage kick in his ribs. The momentum from the blow flipped him over onto his back, where he lay stunned.

Standing over him was a male vampire with wild blond hair. He heard Lydia hiss "Good boy Jack. Get the mean little man and mommy will let you play." With cruel intent Jack began stomping and kicking the fallen vampire. Angel laid there stunned by the sudden attack, his inebriated mind was having trouble processing what was happening. As Jack leaned over the fallen vampire to deliver a solid kick, the only thing that saved Angel was his vampiric instinct for survival. Rotating the lower half of his body, he twisted his legs, sweeping the other vampires feet out from under him.

Then Angel lay there for several seconds, gasping for unneeded breath. The sudden movement had caused agonizing pain to lance through his body. From the feel of it he had several broken ribs, probably some punctured organs too if the blood bubbling up in the back of his throat was any indication.

In that instant, thoughts and memories ran through his mind. So this is what it's like to see your life flash before your eyes. For some reason that thought caused Angel amusement not fear. If I die no more pain, for me or anyone else. Not for Giles or Buffy. Xander won't have anyone to taunt. Willow.... I invited Lydia into the house, left Willow alone. If I die who'll protect her. Then he saw the blond vampire scrabbling across the floor towards him. Part of the broken table gripped in his hand. As he reached Angel's side and raised the makeshift stake above his head for the killing blow, Angel fought the burning numbness caused by the pain. As those hands clutching the stake plunged down towards his chest he caught the wrists.

He wasn't able to stop the blow completely however and screamed in pain as the stake tore through the skin of his chest as the pair struggled. Angel screamed louder as the stake dug deeper into his flesh right above two of his broken ribs. He felt himself weakening, as pain, loss of blood, and the alcohol in his system, worked together to exhaust him. Then suddenly he wasn't fighting alone any longer. Someone was dragging the enraged vampire off of him. Slapping the stake out of his hand as they proceeded to pummel him. As Angel turned on his side to try to push himself up, someone was there to help him. Pushing carefully against his back they helped him into a sitting position, then a gallon sized milk jug full of blood was placed under his nose.

Drinking it, he looked around. The two vampires, what were their names, Caleb and Sean were pulling Jack away from him. The bartender, Charlie was holding him up feeding him the blood.

Lydia somehow managed to get off the floor and push Caleb out of the way long enough for Jack to get free of Sean. Pulling her to the door behind him, Jack and Lydia escaped into the night. Willow. I have to protect Willow. I have to call Katia and tell her what happened so she can keep a closer eyes on Willow. After finishing off the blood, Angel gave the bartender another hundred dollar bill and staggered to his feet. Looking at the two vampires that had helped him, he managed to get out his thanks to them before he staggered out he door....into the rain.

Luckily the house is only a few blocks away. he thought as the rain fell in sheets all around him. The pain was beginning to sap what little energy he had left. In a way he was rather glad that Willow had stayed at Katia's he didn't think he could face her tonight. Not in the condition he was in now. The pounding rain was helping to sober him up a bit and he was beginning to think a little more rationally, or as rationally as he could about Willow. Lydia hasn't been invited into Katia's house. She can't get at Willow there. Willow....sweet Willow. Katia is too smart to just invite anyone in, especially at this hour. It can wait until in the morning, right now you need to sleep off your drunk. As he got to the steps of his house, he saw that the door was closed. He thought it had been left open, maybe the wind blew it closed. He unlocked the door and climbed the stairs, even in his inebriated state he thought he smelled Willow's scent.

Fool she's not here, she's at Katia's. Why would she come back here? You seduced her, she thinks you were trying to seduce Lydia at practically the same time. She doesn't want you. She doesn't need you. he continued to castigate himself mentally as he opened the door to his bedroom, She's not in love with you. She's in your bed. She's......she's WHAT!! Sure enough bundled up in his covers in the middle of his darkened room, lay the petite redhead. She's supposed to be at Katia's, she's not supposed to be here. Moving forward quietly so as not to awaken her he touched the fiery silk that was her hair. It's her, she's real. I'm not drunk or dreaming. Why is she back here? Who cares, just hold her. Quickly stripping out of his soaking wet and bloody clothes, Angel stumbled slightly as he walked naked over to his armoire to get some dry boxers. Apparently there were splinters of the wood still imbedded in the flesh of the wound on his chest, because it wasn't healing as quickly as it should, and blood still oozed from the wound in places. At the moment though the vampire was too weak and out of it to care and all he wanted was to hold his ionmhuin. Slipping the boxers on quickly he moved back to the bed and slid under the covers next to her. Instead of holding her, he reached out and lightly stroked her hair with his fingertips as he did she moaned lightly in her sleep and he realized she was having a nightmare again.

Catching one of her tiny hands in his own, he whispered gently, "Willow, it's okay. Wake up now." Green eyes opened suddenly, looking wildly around for a moment before they focused on him. He saw the exact moment when the realization dawned that this wasn't part of the dream. Her lips mouthed his name then she threw herself across the space that separated them and began babbling, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you. I just saw her and ....and then...I had to stop her...she was going to hurt you...and then I felt the backlash coming so I shut you out and ran....only now I can't feel you at all...and I woke up at Cassie's....but you weren't there...and it hurt...and I didn't know where you were..."

Angel pulled her face up and kissed her on the lips. A chaste kiss, but one that stopped her babbling tirade. When he was sure she was stunned into relative silence, he pulled his head back, and brushing her hair out of her face said, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Willow. I on the other hand have everything to apologize for."

Pulling her into his arms, he rested her head just under his chin. Lord above let me be sober enough to do this. I have to apologize, I have to make things right, then I have to let her go. She still doesn't want me. "Willow, I'm sorry for not explaining what I was doing with Lydia to you through the link. I'm sorry for leaving you alone at Katia's, and...and I...I can't apologize for wanting you Willow. I do apologize for seducing you. You are an innocent Willow, I took advantage and that I do apologize for." He stroked her arms lightly before he continued. "I know that you hate me Willow and I swear to you I will never again try to force my attentions on you." Carefully pulling away from her trying to hide the wince of pain from moving still broken ribs and the large open wound on his chest, Angel lifted her chin. He stared at her with heart stopping intensity and said, "I swear it on my soul."

"No, no, NO!" she said with clear anger as she pulled herself from his arms. "Don't you say that! Don't you *ever* say that!" Willow exclaimed as she pulled herself to a sitting position to stare down at the stunned vampire. "You never *ever* swear anything on your soul, do you hear me?!" The fiery redhead continued as she poked her finger into his chest angrily. "After everything that happened, you never let me hear you say anything like that again!"

Then she noticed him flinch as she poked his chest. Quickly before he could move to stop her she had pulled the sheet back and was staring at the wound on his chest and the deep purple bruises that were forming over most of the area covered by his ribs. Her mouth fell open and tears formed in her eyes as she whispered, "Goddess!" in an appalled tone. Then she was off the bed and charged over to flip on the overhead light, before she came back to examine the wounds more closely.

Angel heard the tiny hacker muttering under her breath, and mixed in that muttering were several words he was surprised Willow knew, much less that she would use them.

The vampire lay still, his body tense and rigid as the tiny redhead ran her fingers over his chest, ribs, and abdomen. Then he watched as she stalked over to his cloths lifted them. She studied the areas where blood was obvious, he actually heard her growl when she noticed what was obviously a boot print on what had formerly been a white T-shirt, and then she smelled the shirt. "Lydia!"

Realizing that lying flat on his back, might not be the safest position to be in at the moment, the vampire tried to lever his damaged body from the bed. Seeing the movement Willow yelled, "Don't you move!" Angel promptly froze, he had never heard that tone of voice from the tiny hacker. Throwing the clothes back down the redhead stomped back over to the prone and, yes he'd admit it, intimidated vampire.

Closing her eyes for a minute, Willow remembered what she had learned from Cassie and concentrated on the first aid kit as she held out her hand. Sure enough the kit materialized in her hand. Placing it on the night stand, she turned back to the vampire and said in a no-nonsense tone. "I am going to try and fix the mess you've made out of yourself, Mr. Macho Man Vampire, and you are going to tell me three things. One, why did you leave me alone at Katia's." When Angel started to open his mouth to answer, she cut in, "I'm not finished, yet. Two, I want you to tell me where you went and what you did to get in this condition, and three what does it have to do with...Lydia. And don't try to sell me any sunshine, Angel, or I'll hurt you."

Quietly Angel began to explain to her what had happened at the bar, as she began taping his ribs. Leaving out the part about dancing with the other girl and his own discoveries about his need for Willow, he described the fight with Lydia and then her *pet* Jack. After she had finished taping his ribs, the fae witch turned on the bedside lamp for a little more light to examine the chest wound. Retrieving the tweezers, she mentally thanked the two vampires and bartender that had helped Angel. Promising herself to think of an appropriate reward for them later. When she turned back to the vampire she noticed that he had fallen silent, glancing up at his face she noticed that Angel was still awake and seemed to be staring pensively at the ceiling.

"You still didn't answer the first question." she said. Angel gave her a false blank look, and Willow reminded, "Why you left me alone at Katia's?"

"I thought she could help you." he explained. Attempting with barely veiled trepidation to distract the young hacker.

"Oh she did...but that doesn't explain why you left me there." Willow said distractedly as she began to carefully remove the splinters from his chest wound.

"I tried to scan you and I felt how much you hated me and were disgusted with me. I assumed because of the whole Lydia thing as well as me trying to seduce you and..and when I knew how you felt...I didn't think you would want me to be there when you woke up so I went for a walk and ended up at ''The Bloody Bucket'."

"And ended up in a fight?" Willow finished for him as she continued to remove splinters from the wound. At his affirmative nod, she spoke carefully while gently cleaning wound, "That's all well and good Angel but I don't hate you. I never have and you certainly don't disgust me." she said with intense sincerity and honesty. "I don't know who or what you were picking up on but it wasn't me." Looking into his eyes and said with continuing honesty, "I don't hate you Angel, and I don't think what we did was disgusting. Far from it, it did confuse me however. Just don't...don't take off like that again okay." Finally she had removed all of the splinters from his chest and applying an antibiotic cream to it began to dress the wound. "You promise?"

"I promise." Angel said solemnly

"Good. Now get some sleep." she whispered as she replaced the unused supplies in the first aid kit and sent it back down to the kitchen. "I think sometime in the near future I'm going to have to teach you magic so that you don't end up in this situation again. Maybe a little shielding, a little manipulation, energy storing..."

"Willow?" Angel interrupted very tiredly and said, "If I promise not to try and take advantage of you...." the vampire said very hesitantly, "Will you lie down with me and let me hold you?" Seeing what he thought was doubt shade her eyes, he hurried to finish the suggestion, "Just till I fall asleep and I swear I'll be a perfect gentleman?"

Still tired from the fight, the strain of the separation and worry for Angel. Willow gave in without a second thought, and crawled under the covers to snuggle spoon fashion against the cold skin of the vampire. Almost before her head hit the pillow the two of them were asleep.